Thoughts On Being A Mom

With Mother’s Day quickly approaching, I’ve been thinking a lot about what it’s like being a mom, and I’ve been feeling a sense of deep gratitude for the three beautiful boys that I’ve been blessed with.  I try to remind myself almost daily to be grateful.  When it’s hard and I’m tired and bed time seems light years away, I try to remind myself how very, very, very lucky I am.  One of my biggest fears was that I would never be able to have children or wouldn’t be able to have more than one child.  Having three boys three and under has completely diminished that fear, but I still need to think back on what that felt like so I can be grateful.  It’s impossible in each moment to feel grateful – and as the queen of guilt, I for sure need to remind myself of that as well, but this week of Mother’s Day, I’ve really been trying to just let myself be grateful and enjoy my little blessings.

 

 

Motherhood, if you had to put it into a category, I think, would fall under “transformation.”  From the time it really sinks in that you’re pregnant, you’re a mom.  You begin to live your life for someone else, someone that you haven’t even met yet.  You change your eating habits, sleeping habits and research, plan and prepare for your baby to enter the world.  You worry and worry some more.  You think things like, “after my 12 week sonogram, I’ll stop worrying,” and then, “after my anatomy scan, I’ll stop worrying.”  “Once the baby is born, I’ll stop worrying.”  Truth be told, you never stop worrying – it just becomes a part of who you are.  This responsibility, which at times can feel like the greatest gift and at times can feel like the greatest burden, changes you.  On the morning that I was headed to the hospital to have Anthony, I quoted the book, On The Night You Were Born by Nancy Tillman, on my BBM (blackberry messenger):

“On the night you were born,
the moon shone with such wonder
that the stars peeked in
to see you and the night wind whispered,
'Life will never be the same.'”

 

At the time, it just sounded beautiful, but never had I imagined how on point I actually was.  Life never is the same.  YOU are never the same.  You are transformed into a new being – a mother.  And it means EVERYTHING.  I’ve only been a mom officially for 3 years, 6 months, and 20 days, and I have a lifetime ahead of me, but here’s what being a mom has been for me so far:

Being a mom is… the BEST thing that has ever happened to me.

 

 

…sleepless night after sleepless night after sleepless night…

…having patience I never knew I had

…and losing my patience like I never have before

…feeling the magic of the holidays again

 

 

…seeing ordinary things in a whole new way (I get excited every time I see a construction truck, even when I’m alone!)

…smiling just hearing their little voice

…checking to make sure their breathing while they sleep


...sacrificing

…wondering what they’ll be like when they grow up

…counting the minutes till bed time

…dropping him off for his first day of school and “letting go” for the first time

 

 

…knowing their favorite books by heart

 

 

…holding a baby in my arms while he sleeps

 

 

…constantly wondering if I’m doing it right

…going to bed at night promising myself I’ll do a better job tomorrow


...then going to bed the next night and thinking I may have got it right today

…playing hide & seek


...the hardest job I don't ever want to stop doing

…sharing things with them that were special to me as a child

 

 

…wanting to take away anything bad that happens to them – even the littlest scrape!

…knowing that I have to prepare them for any rough roads they may face ahead

 

 

…my heart breaking when a favorite toy breaks or something unexpected happens

…feeling deeper, stronger and more passionately than I’ve ever have before

…making sure they know they’re loved

 

 

…feeling overwhelmed

…eating their leftover chicken nuggets and counting it as my own breakfast, lunch and dinner

…planning the rest of life around naps and feedings

…leaving anywhere before “time expires” and they start to get really miserable

…breaking up and refereeing fights…

…doing daily tasks with one hand (because there’s a baby in the other)


...simple and complicated


...going to bed wondering how many times they'll wake up during the night 


...getting up in the middle of the night because I hear someone crying only to find them all fast asleep
 

…listening to them talk to each other

…quietly watching them play together (and sometimes videotaping them too!)

 

 

...beautiful, dirty, exhausting, exhilarating, joyful, stressful, hysterical, crazy, amusing, gracious, forgiving, loving, aggravating, frustrating, scary, amazing, and... FOREVER LIFE CHANGING!!!!!!!


…wanting to bottle up these moments because they are growing up too fast!

 

This list could probably go on forever, and actually it will – because I’ve been blessed to be a mom and in this moment, I couldn’t be more grateful.

 

Wishing you all a Happy Mother’s Day!  What’s being a mom to you???

 

Love, Language & Motherhood,

Marisa